I am in this short film called TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN by my friend Jasten King. I’m not in this preview but watch the credits!!
Okay I’m totally not busy at all, but since I’ve become a housewife I have been doing a lot of weird little Bradley projects. I made an Excel file of all my CDs and arranged them by their release date and started listening to all of my CDs - starting in 1957 with Elvis Presley, I am currently in December 1981 with the 300th CD. I know, I’m cool. I’ve also been watching a lot of TV shows I have on DVD. And again cause I’m odd I had to make an excel file of when the shows actually aired so I’m watching all the shows I have in order. I started in 1975 with Mary Tyler Moore Show, Rhoda, The Bionic Woman, Laverne & Shirley and Wonder Woman and I’m currently in the 1979-1980 TV season, where my weeks start on Saturday with The Ropers, then its Monday with Laverne & Shirley, Tuesday is Three’s Company, Wednesday is Charlie’s Angels and Thursdays have been Soap but now we’ve reached December 1979 which means my favorite show ever, Knots Landing has finally made its way onto my schedule; and with that I thought it was high time I revisited my book Rants & Raves of A Knots Knut - The Knots Landing Companion where I write about each and every episode through my eyes…. which is why I’m here today. I’m going to start posting them today! I kn
ow you’re as excited as I am
Episode 01.01 – (01)
Original Airdate: December 27, 1979
“WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO BE THEIR NEIGHBOR”
Coming up, a new beginning in Knots Landing.
Cut to Val and Gary in front of their new house:
GARY: “Val, I’ve been running all my life. I’ve got to stop sometime.”
New neighbors – Laura and Richard Avery, Ginger and Kenny Ward, Karen and Sid Fairgate.
Cut to night and Sid yelling at Karen
SID: “Don’t give me orders!”
New families with new problems.
Cut to Karen at night yelling at Sid
KAREN: “Either she goes tomorrow or I do.”
Cut to the new Ewing bedroom at night
VAL: “I don’t think that we should live here.”
ANNIE SMASHES A LAMP ALMOST HITTING KAREN FAIRGATE!
Getting involved again.
Cut to the beach and Val and Annie:
“How come you hate your Daddy so much?” asks Val;
ANNIE: “Cause I’ve got no one else to hate.”
For Val and Gary Ewing, finding new hope.
Welcome to their new home and now….
Are you all as excited as I am? The moment is here, the beginning of our beloved sudser, Knots Landing. While the credits roll and we are whisked up over the Cliffside to the small cul-de-sac in Southern California, my knees are shaking, my palms are sweating and I’m just about ready to fall over in faint…. It must be the very first episode ever!
After our unseen voice over welcomes us to Gary and Valene Ewing’s new home, we get a glimpse of Bobby, Val and Gary pulling into our favorite dead end street. There’s already drama when some man driving a Lincoln pulls into the house next door. He doesn’t even introduce himself to his new neighbors, but some strange red head from two doors down who drove in just minutes before in a beat up old Datsun wagon says, “Sid, what are you doing home from work?” Apparently this Sid character is sick and he continues sneezing. “You go have Karen fix you some chicken soup.” Now I wonder who these people are. We move back to our Val who don’t give no what knots (as she’s still from Texas here) about what’s going on around her, she’s just amazed at all the used furniture that Southfork Storage can hold. Sid walks into his side of the cul-de-sac where he hears weird love making noises and decides to ignore it, but when the boy on the other side of the door asks for a cigarette, why Sid has had enough. He barges into the room…
but we get thrown back to Val’s as we see that famous Mercury Marquis wagon come flying up the cul-de-sac. A crazed Bun Lady in white barely has the car into park before she’s sprinting over to see who the new neighbors are. She barely catches her breath as she says, “Hi, I’m Karen Fairgate, of the next door Fairgates. We’re the solid couple in the neighborhood. Sid, that’s my husband he’s the daddy figure and I, well I just know everything. We have three kids and a dog but don’t worry if the dog comes over we’ll send Diana, that’s our daughter with a pooper-scooper to come and clean it up. It’s really a good way to teach responsibility, as I’m almost certain that Diana is going to grow up to be a delinquent. And speaking of delinquents we have one at our house, her name is Annie but if you notice the opening credits, she’s only a guest star so I wouldn’t get too attached. Oh and you simply must come over to our house at 7pm tonight, no later, no earlier as we are having a pot luck dinner. We weren’t going to originally but since no one told me that you were moving in, it’s something I just put together anyway, you don’t have a stew on your stove do you? Oh, of course you’re still moving in. Well, potluck means bring something so I can tell what kind of a cook you are and whether or not we can share recipes. I suggest chicken soup because I noticed my husbands car in the driveway so he must be sick, but don’t worry, he loves to entertain new people as much as I do. Okay, well gotta go.”
“How do,” says Valene but this Bun Lady is already gone. And so we meet Karen Fairgate. As the Ewings recover from their new neighbor, Bobby realizes that he is needed on the hit show rather than this bland look at suburbia, so he is off, but he really does think that Val and Gary should tell Lucy that they have their own spin off now. Val isn’t so sure, she wants to make sure they are together for awhile and this time she knows its going to last a long time. “Three years, crazy bumpkin,” is what I shout to my TV but why should I ruin it for her celluloid life.
Karen approaches her house still clinging onto dry cleaning when a half undressed boy comes falling into her yard from the house. I decide I like Knots Landing just as much as these residents. It seems this would be the boy who wanted the cigarette. The man kicking him out would be Sid, Karen’s husband, and there’s a new girl here who we learn is Annie. Apparently by the disdain on Karen’s face, she is not the woman in the bun hairdo’s daughter. The girl named Annie runs out the door and steals the Bun Lady’s car. Karen yells at Sid and tells him he needs to do something about this guest star. She’s been here a week already and has done nothing but wreak havoc on the lives of our three well developing children. I wonder what she did before we met her, because she certainly does quite a bit in the next hour.
Our heroine Valene is walking into her house, feeling up those iron gates you know she will love forever when a hairy ape comes sauntering over after parking his new Capri next to the Datsun wagon. He introduces himself as Richard Avery and is quite pushy, nosy and short. He takes a look around inside the Ewings house and notices she doesn’t have a light bulb. Since this is early Valene (and may I say a slightly more shy Val than even on Dallas) she takes about fifteen minutes to surmise she needs the said light bulb. Oh wait; it always takes Valene fifteen minutes to say anything doesn’t it? Oh well, Richard saunters out after telling Val, “I better go get the light bulb before my wife dislikes you for something we haven’t even done yet.” Or something to that effect, thankfully, Valene is so weary from wearing those tight white gloves all day, she doesn’t catch his drift.
Gary comes home to Val sitting in the dark and I think we’ve already moved to a fourth season episode but I’m just jumping the knots wagon. He asks why she’s sitting in the dark and instead of saying, “That hairy man from next door was going to bring a lightbulb eight hours ago and you have our only Fairmont, I couldn’t go get a bulb from the store. Geery will you by me a Pinto.” Instead she just says, “The guy from next door was going to bring a light bulb.” As Gary and Val begin smooching like they don’t even know their impending doom of the next fourteen years, there’s the first of so many knocks on her door. Richard comes walking in with his light bulb and starts asking all kinds of questions about the Texas Ewings. He wants to know if Gary is opening some Southland Ewing Oil Operation. “No, not until next episode,” says our Garmeister.
Richard invites his new neighbors over for a drink but Valerie (oops that’s what Richard called our girl), I mean Valene, tells him that they are having a pot luck dinner with the Fairgates and she already has some fritters frying. Richard tells Valene, “Oh I see Karen beat me to it.” He goes on to mention that Karen Fairgate is the resident shrink offering advice for a nickel and then not even taking the coin. Richard insists they meet them for drinks after, the Ewings can bring the Fairgates and the Averys will supply the Wards. “What’s a Ward?,” asks Valene. And I say, girlfriend you have no idea!
The Ewings have their little pot luck with the new neighbors and learn all kinds of crazy about rearing children in the late 1970s. Karen mentions that Annie is staying with them and Diana insists quite sarcastically that they are doing everything to make the teenage delinquent’s stay cozy. Val just smiles and nods and realizes that there is no Fairgate family dog; it’s just this shrill sounding girl sitting across from her.
As we dine with the Fairgates, Annie pulls into a different driveway than the one she’s supposed to be at. Inside, is a 1979 Man de Jour spinning records and dancing to that disco beat. I think, “So this is a Ward.. huh.” Annie comes sauntering in and says, “Kenny, you’re wife’s not home is she?” and I realize that this is Kenny Ward in the flesh, how I had forgotten. No wonder he gets so excited when Ciji arrives, listen to the crap he has blaring from his stereo. Out of nowhere comes some bug eyes and this Kenny character calls her “Ging”. I’m not sure what a Ging is either, but I think I like it. Kenny asks Ginger to help out with Annie who’s having problems with her family. Annie uses flippant seventies lingo like “I don’t want to lay my trip on you.” As Kenny reiterates, “Hey, you’re young and we’re young so you come and talk to us, you dig.” I half expect Barbarino to come walking in but remember he’s already made two successful 70s movies. Ginger practically pulls out her eyes telling Kenny she can’t talk to this girl, “I wouldn’t know what to say. I only have three lines an episode.” So Kenny takes the helm and sends Ging off to the Richard Avery house party.
Gary is showing us all that he is still an alcoholic and decides to only drink Club Soda while Sid, who doesn’t want to appear an alcoholic will have a Brandy, “For my cold.” Yeah, right Sid. Richard tries to get more Ewing news out of Gary while Val saunters over to the girl’s side of the yard. Gary tells Richard he’s looking for work and we find out that Sid owns Knots Landing Motors, the fastest growing dealership in the Southland. Richard tells him that Sid could give him a job.
We meet the lovely wife of Richard, Laura who says to Val, “You and Gary don’t have any children?” Way to go, Red, her one weak spot and you found it right off the bat. “No, we have a child. She’s a model in Texas and she’s just two feet high.”
Ging arrives (Karen even calls her Ging) and tells them that Kenny is at the house comforting Annie. Apparently the Ging could use one of those light bulbs Richard is giving away, because hers has gone quite dim. Karen decides to tread her way over to the Wards. She doesn’t say so in so many words but only someone as dim witted as the Ging wouldn’t recognize what she’s doing.
This bun-wigging woman doesn’t seem to care about etiquette and walks right into the Wards windowless home. She sees Kenny and Annie in a makeshift makeout/dance recital and tells Annie to get out. Kenny says he was the seducee in the situation and Karen shows us all that she’s the broad with the balls and the bun when she tells Kenny, “You know you’re charms don’t work on me. You’re handsome but Sid Fairgate won’t care who the seducee was, he’ll just mess up that face and you won’t be so handsome anymore.” Geez, that Sid sounds dangerous.
Karen goes back to the Averys party where Annie has decided to drop in and see which of the stud muffins want to join her at the beach. Val, never realizing the temptress thing offers her assistance. “I’ve never seen the ocean,” says Val. We all breathe a sigh of loveliness but not Annie. Despite Val’s attempts to make contact with this psuedo-Lucy, Annie tries to get Gary to come along. Val’s nostrils flare and you know she still isn’t too trusting of the big Garmeister. Sid finally kicks Annie out and I can’t wait to see what the girl does next.
As the party unwinds, that big old station wagon comes sauntering in with two teenage girls singing rounds. Why it’s Annie and that Diana. Annie’s driving isn’t too hot and she smacks right into Daddy’s Lincoln. They get out drunk as a skunk, all to the horror of the Bun Lady. Sid catches them and spanks Diana. Karen’s nostril flare this time, “you hit the wrong girl!” She tells him that he had better kick that Annie out or she’ll be gone.. with the kids!
Gary and Val witness the whole thing and later in bed, Val thinks that perhaps Knots Landing isn’t for them.. I decide it’s definitely for me! Annie gets up in the middle of the night and we get our first glimpse of Karen without her bun. She tries to talk to Annie and let her know that she can be part of the family. When she notices Annie is wearing Diana’s clothes, she tells her, “look at you, you want to fit in. You want to be Diana.” In an infuriated rage, Annie smashes a mirror, “I DO NOT WANT TO BE DIANA!” At least, that’s how I saw it. Annie rushes out into the night as Sid decides to run after her. “If you’re not here when I get back, tell me where I can find the kids.. except Diana. Since Annie has her clothes, it is just as good as having the D.”
The next day, Gary leaves for his big new job by walking next door. Val gets the first phone call in her new home and its Annie who it seems is in need of a little assistance. Gary sees Karen vacuuming and she tells him that Sid isn’t home and doesn’t know when so it looks like he can have his first day off. She offers “Ewing” (that’s what she calls him) a cup of coffee. Valene leaves in the Fairmont and Gary says she is going to the beach. Sid pulls up and apologizes to Gary and decides to get dressed while sneezing and dissing Karen.
Valene goes to the jail for the first of god knows how many times and picks up little Annie. It seems Annie met some guy in a bar and asked him for some money. In some strange twist, the guy thought she was a hooker and she was carted off to the clink. Val tells Anne that she has to go home to her father or else Valene will get in trouble. Anne asks if she could stay with her, “No, you can’t,” says Valene, “I’m just not comfortable having people stay in my house.”
On the way to the cul-de-sac, Annie complains about not wanting to go back right away and Val tempts us all by saying there is a place she wanted to stop and see. She pulls the Fairmont into a parking lot and grabs her clutch. She walks to the railing and looks out over the OCEAN!!! I breathe a sigh of relief and realize that Valene Ewing is my goddess and soul mate. She walks down to the water and when she’s close, she drops her sensible shoes, gloves and clutch and runs out into the water as the Knots Landing theme gets louder and louder. Valene runs the length of the beach and jumps back as the waves crash her bumpkin footies… I love this moment and can’t believe it didn’t make it into my top 14 of the best of Knots! (maybe next time).. All the while Annie watches, until she realizes she has keys to a new Ford Fairmont.
We see Val at the other side of the beach and Annie comes up with keys, gloves and sensible shoes. “I could’ve split,” she says in 70s dialogue, “why’d you trust me?” Val simply says, “I had to trust you. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to run in the ocean.”
As Sid and Gary are finally ready to leave for work, Val and Annie come barreling into the cul-de-sac. Annie jumps out of the car and tells them all that she has nothing to say. “Where did you find her,” asks Sid. Before Val is put in an awkward spot, her new ocean friend says, “I was in the clink. In jail.” Sid wants to know what for as Karen comes into the scene. “For hustling,” says Annie. “Hustling,” says Sid. “You know hustling, soliciting,” she turns to Karen, “I don’t know, what’d they call it when you worked the streets, honey.” I laugh, but it’s knocked out of me when Sid hauls off and slaps his daughter.
We are all in shock and so our guest star barrels into the Fairgate home. Val and Gary are left wondering about their new home. “Did she really get arrested for soliciting?” asks Karen. “Yes, but I think she’s innocent,” says Val. “Well, lets say ‘not guilty’,” says Karen. Gary and Val walk through those iron gates and Val is still unsure of what they are doing here. “It’s a starring role, “ says Gary. “No, JR, no Sue Ellen. Us. I mean come on Knots Landing is just a place. It’s just like any other place. It’s just like.. oh I don’t know Dallas.” Val smiles and they walk into their new home.
Next door, Sid follows Annie up to her room and offers to be the father she never had. He can teach her all kinds of things, mostly how to leave a hit series in two years, but he’s not sure if she’s ready for that. Apparently, she’s already good at fighting and calling stepmothers whores, so all he has to offer her is family.
In the garage, Karen walks in to see if her Sid is still upset with her. After all, she was only doing what has been written for her. “But did you see how I made it my own, ‘says Karen. “I could do this for another fourteen years.” Sid says he got through to Annie and he’s happy. He wants to take her for a ride in the old jalopy he’s working on. She opts to head to the back seat. “I’ll even pull my hair out of the bun,” she says. They jump in the back and the Knots Landing theme begins again.
Richard is off to play tennis while Laura tries her lawn mower out (gee why would anyone think she could be lesbian and he’d be a loser??), he tries to do it and he isn’t successful either, apparently the Wards have been escorted off the set already as we move over to Val and Gary who are taking down their “For Sale” sign and painting “Ewing” on the mailbox.
The Fairgates come out of the garage in the car, smiling with afterglow and a new series, they drive out of the cul-de-sac, down a corner road we’ll probably never seen until the end of season 2, and voice over with Karen sneezing, obviously catching Sid’s opening moment cold…
Aw, there you have it, the beginning of what would come to be THE best series on TV ever! How could we ever have lived without these characters? And how could I ever have said these first few episodes were boring…
I guess its all in your perception (and as you can read, you can see my perception is perhaps a bit knuts!)
Until our next episode when I feel a rumble coming in from Dallas, Could it be guest star number two?
Well it’s time for my workout - i.e. I drink coffee and watch this video, while wearing my green short shorts of course
So it’s been awhile since there has been a new Swivek album but never fear I’m working on it now. A 13 track set entitled “I GUESS I’M NOT ALONE”. The songs featured include songs left off of the EVERYBODY HATES YOU album, plus some old lyrics and themes I’ve wanted to tackle for awhile. I’m also incorporating my pals Devin Tait of Devin Tait & The Traitors, members of the former Signal Ranch group and my pal Amy Crosby of Shitting Glitter to help out. I’m getting very excited, but first recording must commence.
With Prop 8 getting overturned (once again) today seemed to be the perfect to start recording my song “Wounded.” The lyrics and music were written the day after Prop 8 was announced as legal back in 2008 (one month after I got married), I was devastated, hurt, and ‘wounded.’ But I knew (know) our day will come so I wrote the song.So I wrote it the day after Prop 8 was legal and I’m going to re-record it the day Prop 8 was deemed unconstitutional. Seems perfect.
Here are the lyrics:
W O U N D E D
Written by Bradley Jacobson
You can’t change what is true
Heaven knows, what about you?
You’re fading fast from memory
You’re on the wrong side of history
I’ve been wounded, I’ve been scorned
I’ve burned in flames and been reborn
There’s nothing more you will take from me
With your hate and your bigotry
I’ll walk right through your brimstone
And I will find my way home
Why don’t you walk the path of right instead
Of hiding behind a book to spew hatred
Your time of lies will fade away
And bring about a brighter day
I’ve been wounded, I’ve been scorned
I’ve burned in flames and been reborn
There’s nothing more you will take from me
With your hate and your bigotry
I’ll walk right through your brimstone, yeah
And I will find my way home
when you’re burning in your own brimstone
God will carry me home
God will carry me home
copyright © 2008 Bradley Jacobson/ Buzzee Bee Bop Tunes (ASCAP) – November 7, 2008
Just a reminder that tomorrow at 2:25 Swivek (that’s me!) will be performing live at the San Gabriel Valley Pride in Pasadena. It’s being held at the Pasadena City College in the Quad and it’s free!! There will be a lot of great musicians, DJs and drag performances. Plus for the first time since Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been repealed there will be a Marine booth at a gay pride event!! So exciting so come see us!
Swivek is playing San Gabriel Valley / Pasadena Gay Pride in October. Look at this this line up that DJ Rawburt came up with. I can’t wait!
Here’s just a taste of Where The Boys Are ‘84 - in bad quality but still so much fun!